Dulled senses...

All of my senses have been dulled. Food that once was delicious is now bland. Colorful landscapes are now cloudy and grey. Everywhere I look I see something that reminds me of better times. The tin motorcycle painting taunts me from across the room. Her green bag hanging on the door oddly reminds me of her gentle pleasing smell before she would lay down beside me. Her soft lips today tease my mind, had I known that those  kisses in the car would be my last, I would have made them last longer. I gazed at her this morning laying in my bed, it was such an angelic scene. My precious monster would never lay in my bed again. That thought is tormenting me. I need a break, a break from reality. A vacation to my own personal paradise. A place where I had not made mistakes, a place where our hearts could run free together like they did once before. A place where I could hold her for all eternity and keep her safe from my reckless actions in the real world. If such a place exists, please I beg someone to take me there. 

Syko Sam - Horrorcore Murders in Virginia.

Wow... I can't believe how closed minded Americans have become.

First and foremost, my thoughts are with the families of those that have been slain. It's truly unfortunate that their lives have been taken prematurely.

With this being said, I would like to address the Syko Sam Horrorcore Murders in Virginia.
Syko Sam News Story

Horrorcore is a genre of music, just like rap, rock, country, blues, jazz, classical etc... It is for entertainment purposes only. In no way does it suggest that humans should go out and murder other humans. Yes the lyrics in this genre of music are racy, provocative, violent, and crude, it is meant to be shocking, terrifying, and horrific. There was a recent interview with Horrorcore Rapper, Marz, where he simply said. Whatever happened to people just being crazy? Americans are always trying to find something to blame instead of the individual. The media that people use for entertainment has always been in the spotlight as an excuse for people to come to terms with violent happenings. This is simply absurd. Already activists are chomping at the oppurtunity to crush the horrorcore genre in lieu of the Syko Sam killings. Lets just pretend that we accept the idea that music, movies, and other media is responsible these atrocious acts of violence, and that it would be a good idea to do away with the genre all together. Ok, now, lets take that same idea and apply it to other aspects of everyday American life say for instance... religion. More atrocities have been committed in the name of religion than all others combined. To deny that would be asinine and imbecilic. So, with the same thought process should we do away with religion all together? Perhaps we should. I would be comfortable with that. However as Americans, people like to pic and choose what should and shouldn't acceptable according to their own personal likes and dislikes.

While we are on the subject of "religion". A lot of people are blaming this on "Satanism". I think that the stigma of the word satanism has a lot of people fooled about what satanism really is. Without getting too deep into the subject, let me just say that, satanism has nothing to do with any anthropomorphical being or deity. Satanism is about self indulgence, being your own god, making yourself happy while still keeping others' well being in mind. I think that many people would find themselves to be more "satanic" than they would really like to admit. Try reading the satanic bible, if not only for the first 3 chapters.

McCroskey had some mental issues that he needed to work out. Horrorcore didn't make McCroskey a psychopath. Society and environmental surroundings probably played the biggest role in his breakdown. If you are looking for someone to blame, blame his family, and ultimately blame Sam himself. He is the only person responsible for his actions. (At least until further details emerge)

In conclusion, America, stop being so damned simple-minded. Think logically before you go and blame everyone and everything.

Paint it Gray

It's been another ominous day. I feel wretched, like my heart and soul are in one place and my brain and body are elsewhere. My emotions are frantic today as well. Swaying from deep frustration, to intense sorrow, to rage, to regret... It's not as if I have a difficult life. I have plenty of friends to surround myself with. And I have a best friend/girlfriend that keeps me happy when shes around. However I still have this hole, a longing for something more. This is not my life, this is not me. I am someone else, trapped in this insignificant life. Everything seems drab, boring and gray.

Religion is Bullshit!

It's all bullshit people
Religion is bullshit!
Christians, Jews, and Islam ...all Bullshit!
Religions murder and torture in the name of religion – Lets take a retrospective approach and dissect each case.
Christians:

First Crusade: 1095 - 1099
Second Crusade: 1147 - 1149
Third Crusade: 1188 - 1192
Fourth Crusade: 1202 - 1221
Fifth Crusade: 1217 - 1221
Sixth Crusade: 1228 - 1229
Seventh Crusade: 1248 - 1250

During these "Crusades" to bring the "Holy Land" (Jerusalem) back to the Christians. The Crusaders killed, murdered, tortured, raped, and set ablaze to Turks and Muslims. Below is the account taken by a Crusader of the time:


"Some of our men cut off the heads of their enemies; others shot them with arrows, so that they fell from the towers; others tortured them longer by casting them into the flames. Piles of heads, hands and feet were to be seen in the streets of the city. It was necessary to pick one's way over the bodies of men and horses. But these were small matters compared to what happened at the temple of Solomon, a place where religious services ware ordinarily chanted. What happened there? If I tell the truth, it will exceed your powers of belief. So let it suffice to say this much at least, that in the temple and portico of Solomon, men rode in blood up to their knees and bridle reins."

Jews:

In 1909, the Jewish led and Jewish financed Committee for Union and Progress overthrew the Turkish Empire. Zionist Jewish banker had long sought to destroy the Turkish Empire, which controlled Palestine. These racist Jews sought to take Palestine from its indigenous population and turn it into a segregated "Jewish State" by expelling, or killing off the native Palestinian population and supplanting it with colonies of Eastern European Jews.

They murdered John the Baptist
They murdered Lazarus
They murdered Jesus Christ
They murdered Saint Stephen First Martyr
They murdered the Czar Alexander Romanov Family
They took part in the Katyn Forest Massacre
They conspired multiple murder plots against St. Paul

Anti-Christian Jewish Red Commissars in Russia killed 100 million innocent Christians between 1917 and 1945.

Islam:

Oh god where in the hell do you start?

This story of Muslim aggression and occupation of Christian lands, repeated itself over the next 1372 years when the Muslims launched unprovoked attacks on Christian Egypt in 640, on Christian Nubia in 650, on Christian North Africa in 650, on Christian Spain in 711 and again on 3/11), on Christian France (under Frankish rule) in 732, on Christian Sicily in 812, on Christian Byzantine again in 1071 to 1453, on Christian Bulgaria, Serbia, Greece, Croatia, Albania, Hungary Austria, Poland Russia in the period between 1389 to 1683 and on Christian America on 9/11.

Let us not forget Nick Berg, let us not forget the Embassy bombings, let us not forget the DC sniper.

People the list goes on and on.

Islam is a religion of hate and intolerance. Here are some direct quotes from the Islamic Qur'an (Islamic Holy Bible)


O Prophet! urge the believers to war; if there are twenty patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred... (8:65)

Surely the vilest of animals in Allah's sight are those who disbelieve (8:55)

Fight those who do not believe in Allah...And the Jews say Ezra is the son of God; and the Christians say Christ is the son of God; these are the words of their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved before; Allah's curse be on them; how they are turned away! (Koran 9:29-30)

And fight with them until there is no more persecution and religion should be only for Allah (8:39)

When the sacred months have passed away, THEN SLAY THE IDOLATERS WHEREVER YOU FIND THEM, AND TAKE THEM CAPTIVES AND BESIEGE THEM AND LIE IN WAIT FOR THEM IN EVERY AMBUSH, then if they repent and keep up prayer [become believers] and pay the poor-rate, leave their way free to them (9:5)

And if they intend to act unfaithfully towards you, so indeed they acted unfaithfully towards Allah before, but He GAVE YOU MASTERY OVER THEM (8:71)

This is not even a small amount of them. There are literally hundreds of violent quotes in the Qur'an.

My main concern with religion is that people use it as a crutch. It's for people that are weak and need to believe that there is something bigger. Its for people who don't understand that you are ultimately in charge of you own life. Lets see, I'm going to go on a murderous rampage, killing, raping, stealing, and hurting people's feelings (my favorite) and then just before I die I will confess my sins and accept Jesus Christ as my savior.

Bullshit! And people actually believe this garbage. Lets take all the recent child molestings by priests. So the priest forces little Billy into a closet where he has nowhere to run. He tells Billy its ok because God wants it. And then the priest stuffs his wrinkly old balls down little Billy's throat almost gagging him and then makes the boy drop his pants and prepare for launch. Those sick bastard probably don't even lube Billy up… now that is cruel. Oh and by the way this is all in the name of God. So then he says sorry and confesses and all are happy and God will still love him and take him to heaven. Boy what happens to the little boy now? He's either going to grow up thinking its god's will to molest little boys, he's going to be gay, or he's going to be a socially deranged depressed person his entire life. All of which are accountable as being against gods will. It's just a never ending cycle of bullshit.

Let's take the Mormons for just a second. WHAT A BAG OF DILDOS!… Ok I'm done with the Mormons.

If people would just open their eyes and see that religions are bullshit I think this world would be better off. Why not let yourself be your own god? You make your own choices, you are self reliant, you can strive for anything without a little voice saying "god doesn't want you to". BULLSHIT! I do want to. And then you can live your life to its fullest. Why do I say that? Because right now you spend way to much time praying and going to church and doing all that dullard shit because your next life will be bright and shiny when you get to heaven. FUCK THAT NOISE… I want my life bright and shiny right now mother fucker!

And Tithing… Holy SHIT! Are you kidding me! That fallacy was made up by some greedy ass politically inclined clergyman. God did not command Adam to tithe, nor is it mentioned that Adam tithe of his own accord. Cain and Abel learned to sacrifice from Adam, to give an offering that was to be of blood not something that was from the work of their own hands (Genesis 4), but they did not tithe. Job, whom we have much detail of his life lived in the (pre?) Abrahamic period. He sacrificed but there is no mention of tithing. Considering how inventive some of the promoters of seed faith giving are today, it is surprising they have not found this the cause of Job's affliction. You would think that Job would have needed to give something to remove Satan's hand of attack against himself. Yet, the Bible is silent on this matter. But then again the bible was probably written by a drunk guy with multiple personalities and had a healthy diet of human fetuses.

(I'll Cover Malichai's tithing in another blog)

Why feel sorry for yourself?

Sunday morning I woke to the sounds of hammer pounding drywall into dust, as my father and my uncle were starting their day remodeling the kitchen. I thought how wretched of a way to wake up but never the less I must press on. I sat up from the couch in the same fashion Frankenstein rose from the experimentation table, and with a pseudo zombie -like motion I stumbled into the bathroom. The water was refreshing. The smell of Irish Spring soap always alludes to the idea that Ireland must be a beautiful place and constantly smells of fresh meadow flowers. Now that I didn't smell like a menstruating yak anymore, I could get dressed and proceed to what would be a most unusual day.

I arrive in front of what looks like an elaborately decorated pole barn, As I take in my surrounding, I locate it. That name, that glorified name… Jesus Christ! In bright letters, the name of the church stood out. "NEW LIFE". This church also used to be an alternative center for schooling, so I assumed that I may come into contact with some ex-teachers who wanted to do nothing but educate me about how the world really worked. So I walked in the door, as expected I was greeted by a handful of white haired men and women welcoming me as a newcomer. As I pushed my way through the hordes of Depends bearing geriatric cases, I located some familiar faces. I sat with them and began trading greetings.

Shortly after a fragile little man who could only be described as the typical jewish stereotype male, took the microphone. He opened with a short prayer, thanking god that he had blessed us with such a beautiful day. Upon hearing that my attention was immediately lost due to the fact that it was a gorgeous day and I was sitting in a sweat shop instead of on my motorcycle. I began day dreaming about how I should be enjoying the last nice weekend of the year, with the wind blowing through my hair… "Amen" Fortunately for me I was caught up in my imaginative world long enough to miss the rest of the prayer.

After a small theatric, quasi-comical, gift acceptance, it was on to praise and worship. There are few things that bother me more than religious hymns, however there I stood with 75 other people waving their hands in the air and chanting verses of praise to a 2,000 year old jewish vampire. It wasn't long before people start walking up to the alter in tears with their arms outstretched as if they were reaching for that ever damning forbidden fruit from the tree of life. I witnessed grown men fall to their knees crying and shaking as if they were abused dogs. I didn't feel remorse or any kind of compassion for these men. All I could see was weakness. I giggled to myself as I watched this grown man create a puddle of weakness on the very ground of that which he prayed. Later, I seen a women(she may have been a single mother) accompanied by her two children that could not have been older than 10. The woman sat in chair with her head tilted to the ground, as a stream of tears fell from her face. Her children looked on as helplessness and weakness overcame her. Her kids looked bewildered. I don't understand how you could act such a way in the presence of your own children. They would lose faith in you, find to you to not be strong, not heroic, and worst of all, weak.

Next there was a woman straight from the 70's. She was wearing garb that I'm certain she hijacked from the set of Jesus Christ Superstar. With her she carried a flag. It was just a long wooden pole with a large purple banner with gold trim attached to it. She was waving it widely in the air with no acknowledgment that there were other people nearby. Countless times she was a near miss from sending someone to the emergency room. She seemed to be kind of of a loner type, because she moved to the side of the isle alone while proclaiming her love for god more loudly than everyone else combined. Unfortunately her screams of glory didn't deter her relentless waving of the banner. If you were to equate her to a forum personality, without a doubt she would be the "attention whore".

Now that all the singing and craziness was over, I could focus on what the pastor had to say. He opened his statements by showing a semi-accurate chart of the history of Christianity. It held a few of the important councils such as the first council of Nicaea and Epicurus. Then it went on to show how the church had broken into different directions, with the Eastern Orthodoxy and Roman Catholic Church. It then showed some of the splits that happened in the 16th century with the birth of some of the protestant denominations. He briefly went over the great schism of Christianity where there were 3 popes a claiming to be the true pope. Which caused an even bigger split within the church. He didn't detail much of anything, he just kind of went over when they happened and the reason each council was gathered.

Finally church was adjourned, and I could relax and enjoy what was left of the day. After looking back at what had happened at church that Sunday, I find great despair in it. People come to church to feel sorry for themselves. People come to church to have their devoid lives filled with empty and one-sided affection. People come to church because they are weak minded and weak spirited people. It is almost disgusting how 1000 people can clasp their hands together in prayer, hoping to accomplish something, when a single ordinary man can accomplish so much more by actually doing something for himself.

In conclusion, I wasted 4 hours of my godless life.